STEALING KIDS AND CHILD SUPPORT

KIDS— We love them, yes?  But relationships are hard and often fail.  Then comes the dreaded “parenting plans” and “child-support orders.”  Full disclosure I received child-support, so perhaps I am biased, but I try very hard to be self-critical…

I have come across a school of thought from women and men that child support should not be demanded.  That the idea of “forcing” someone to take care of their child isn’t ok… they should have a choice.  And you know what?  I disagree. Here’s why:

I completely disagree with not requesting child support on the premise of why child support exists.  (Note: I understand when someone abuses the child support that it makes it very hard to support sending it and that should be discussed.  Child Support if for supporting kids— not your vacation or your shoe habit.)

Child support exists to maintain as SIMILAR of a life for a child that they would have had if the parents did not split up. There is a common misconception that moms get kids and dad’s pay CS. NO! This is common only because in OUR Society it is often that a mom will be the main-caregiver in early years and the man will be the main breadwinner. This is evidenced by the predominance of stay-at-home moms. In a situation where this was the family dynamic; then this family dynamic is maintained to the closest possible degree in order to keep things as similar for a child as possible.

In a 50/50 split there still needs to be a transfer of money to one parent unless incomes are exactly the same. IE if you make 2/3rd more income then your husband and you have 50/50 split then you should send some money over to his household so it evens out. Again, our society tends towards men making a higher wage so in this scenario the husband often pays CS.

NEITHER OF THE ABOVE SCENARIOS ARE THE COURTS FAVORING WOMEN===

IT IS A BI-PRODUCT OF OUR SOCIETY.

Child support is figured on a series of very specific calculations that consider parenting time, other obligations,  and income of both parents (even parents who don’t have an income or it is low are usually imputed as full time minimum wage—this was me when I first stopped being a SAHM). Also, poverty levels are considered and maximum % of income are put in to stop it from being asinine. INDEED if you don’t have child support, and end up on state assistance the state will go after the parent who should be assisting; the government shouldn’t have to support a child because one parent will not.

People who choose to go through divorce with children, or have babies without staying in a long term commitment have an obligation to their children to take care of them. If child support is really causing hardship for a baby daddy (or mommy) there are steps to take to have it reduced. HOWEVER, if it isn’t reduced it is primarily because the court does not care about debts. IF a parent gets themselves into debt, and can’t afford child support the courts don’t usually accept not taking care of the child. DEBT is what causes hardships where people are living on their mom’s couch, because they can’t afford life in general. Note: if your ex-partner is really struggling like that, taking them into consideration as to whether or not you are going to force child support for awhile, or let them get on their feet is a genuine move and should be considered. However, it is important to recognize that their paying child support is not what landed them in hot water. LIFE CHOICES is what is making it difficult.  (AGAIN if things have taken a swing for the worse for someone who pays child support they can apply to have it reduced– if they were denied then they are doing something wrong with the decisions they are making.)

If you are on in a position where you do not need assistance then my opinion is put the child support in a college or savings trust fund.

That money should still be earmarked for their care.

These calculations are intended to help a child keep as similar of a life as possible to the one they had before. I would pay if it turned out I should…. All parent’s should take care of their kids. Agreements can be made to lessen what the court would order between two people- that’s their option, but someone choosing to request the full amount isn’t wrong. Nor is establishing parenting time. In extreme examples people give into their baseness and fight over kids… this is NOT and should NEVER be ok. The kids are the only ones who get hurt. However; it is not taking a child away from another parent to have set parenting times, and a child who feels that way has been emotionally abused. I recognise that is harsh but if both parents don’t step up to the plate to disabuse a child of that notion that is WRONG! NO CHILD should ever be made to think that one parent is being kept from them.  (In cases where that is happening from someone who is being manipulative I am SORRY that is happening and I understand that would be difficult.– This argument is dealing with traditional run of the mill separations.)

It is up to both parents to figure out a way to be on the same page and co-parent those kids. THIS IS DIFFICULT AND WE AREN’T PERFECT. We will make mistakes. (Obviously in true cases of abuse and such removing the other parent is actually in the child’s best interest.)

There are, of course times where the system isn’t perfect; and I fully believe there are some healthy changes that could really impact how courts handle these things, but for now, court is in place because often two people who can’t get along are trying to figure out how best to take care of someone they BOTH care about. Many times, cases don’t even get in front of a judge, mediation is a predominant way of establishing a parenting order. If you and your partner AGREED to the plan it can never be viewed as “Stealing.” Asking for child support based on the order that was established is ultimately in the child’s best interest. (IDEALLY– I really hate it when I see people blowing their child support on unnecessary things— save the extra for the kids.)

The Love Of Money

Pic credit huffingtonpost.com/2014-06-19-bigstockTheLoveOfMoney

When the Scale Won’t Move or goes UP

Gosh Saturday I was higher than a kite! Down 17 lbs and counting.  I mentioned I was struggling to see any more weight loss and I was curious to see what this week holds… so far it held dropping .8 lbs than putting 3 lbs back on.  My calories are still in the 1200 ranges, however,  my protein, fat and carbs  balance is weigh off.

Yesterday, I was all excited because I found a chocolate bar that a serving of would work within my goals. Not going to post brand, because for some people it is probably fine.  For me it triggered eating like I used to eat and I wasn’t choosing healthy standards.  I had corn pops… I don’t even LIKE corn pop. Sipped on soda–again flavors I don’t even like and topped of the night with a few spoonfuls of mac and cheese.

Felt sick for the rest of the night and now this morning I feel like crap. The scale made me sad and I am back on the wagon.  Carbs beget carbs… the cravings and uncontrollable desire was so real.  Holy smokes.  Addiction isn’t easy to get over.

Thank goodness I have someone in my corner who is in the fitness industry helping me not give up.  Get yourself a diligent support person… you are going to need it.

Trying to stay positive and hopefully my weigh in video will leave me happy again on Saturday!

Week 2 Update Total Down 17lbs!

Wow!  So this week I dropped another 6+ lbs leaving me at exactly 17lbs down!!

I have had some interesting developments concerning the intermittent fasting I am also doing… basically eating between 1 and 6ish every day.

  • My hunger is non-existent… actually having a hard time eating ENOUGH calories.
  • My skin is clear.
  • My period occurred this week… very mild cramping… usually I am dying.
  • 3 days ago I dropped 3.5 lbs and since haven’t lost any– this is the same period of time that my hunger went away and I started having trouble eating enough. Really working on trying to get at least close to 1200 cals to help.

 

Here is my video… I have to learn where to look lol!

 

 

So What Is the BIG deal with Keto?

Last night a woman’s group I am in started talking about Keto.  Many of the same questions came up and I saw people making this really… hard.  They were linking “rules,”  lists of food you CAN and CAN’T eat.  If I had seem many of the posts last night when I first was starting out I would never have started!

So let’s just chat for a minute, shall we?  I am having SO much success with this, and it is not complicated.  I am not a doctor I just took the advice of other people who have followed the program, and suggested the program and dove in.

Keto is short for ketogenesis– you can look that up for the science around it, but in a nutshell, it is the process in which your body produces ketones.  These are the bi-product of burning fat for energy.  Keep that in mind for a minute 🙂

OK so I saw a lot of people representing Keto has mainly low carb high protein.  Keto is about low carb, moderate protein and high fat.  Basically we get our energy from two sources: glucose (carbs break down to this) and fat.  Excess nutrients become fat and drum roll please……that’s how I became a person carrying another person around with me every day!

So carbs, proteins, and fat contain calories– they each vary on how many grams per calories… you could look that up if you want.  Keto teaches that you want to give your body about 5-10% of it’s daily calories from carbs while staying under 20 “net carbs” and about 60% + of your diet from fat.  There are different theories out there regarding net carbs or total carbs, but essentially net carbs are “carbs-fiber=net carbs.”

A good app for tracking this for me has been at myfitnesspal.com.  It’s free and easy to us. You can set your own percentages for those in the app and it’s awesome!  Link to my diary here: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/food/diary/Vaidyanatha  for examples on what I eat.  (I mix the butter in my coffee)

The Keto diet has similarities to Atkins, Paleo, etc… but those percentages REALLY matter.  Your body NEEDS the fat to get to Ketosis.

Let’s talk actual diet.  I am finding that things I have in my home work perfectly fine for this;  try just raiding your cupboards. Grab some meat, mix some butter into your coffee, research your ingredients… always good to be as natural as possible with what you put into you body, but DUDE’s don’t flip. You don’t have to go spend tons of money on this… I live on a budget of 10.00 per day for myself and three kids….

Go grab an app you like that lets you track your nutrients. Also a scale (mine was 7.00 at Walmart). I find that really focusing on fat helps me kind of just fall into where am I shooting for every day.  Also as a side note, I am SO FULL most of the time.  Tonight I almost didn’t want dinner. Those fat grams stick with you and you will see weight drop! (Keep in mind your starting weight plays into weight loss per week in the beginning. … DO NOT get discouraged if you do not have insane results.)

Ok… so that’s the big secret. Track your percentages…. LOL See? SUPER EASY!!!

easy-way-hard-way-220x220

 

Day 6– Veggies Killed My Carbs

Starting out today a little bummed; yesterday went well in regards to “healthy” choices, but I overshot my carb goal when I added roasted veggies from Baja Fresh to a side of steak.  I thought I was being “oh! so good” only to find out that there are  25!!!  carbs in a side of their veggies.  How? I am still confused.. but lesson learned. Always add the meal to tracker BEFORE eating.  That said it was super good and veggies and steak are not a bad combo…  I need to plan a bit better and definitely not make assumptions.

I looked into the idea of “net carbs” today and learned about taking fiber into account to track your net carbs. Adjusted my tracker to include fiber to be able to track that a bit as well!

GOOD NEWS Had a weigh in at DR yesterday. Fully dressed and I am down 10 lbs from the last time I weighed nude!  The last time I weighed was near on a month ago so I can’t say specifically if it is keto or not, but definitely going to give keto at least most of the credit!

Totally forgot to grab anything to get me through today so when lunch time hits I am going to be careful.  It’s apparently hard to eat out and keep things basic, so I will be tracking foods before I order today!

Happy child playing with toy wings against summer sky background. Retro toned

 

Day 4–KEENLY KETO!! Starting Out

I am 35 years old, and I have struggled with weight and food my entire life.  I -like many others- have used food for comfort, for activities, for socializing, for… for… for… AND I still don’t think there is anything necessarily wrong with any of the above… EXCEPT when food is the only contributor.

Then KETO happened, and I already keenly keto… thus the very inspiring site name!! 🙂 So 4 days in might not seem like much to many people, but it is literally the longest I have ever been able to “stick” to a new plan.  I am benefited by being surrounded by people who are working on their health, and I KNOW that is helping me. However, I also find this program mentally stimulating and exciting.  Instead of calories I am more worried about net Carbs. Instead of what I CAN’T eat I am focused on getting enough Fat grams– which has been a challenge lol!

I want to use this site as way to log my experiences with this lifestyle.  This isn’t medical, I am not following anything except basic guidelines, and I am trying to make it as easy as possible.  For me that involves intermittent fasting and no-fancy ingredients or expensive food bills.

So I am at the end of Day 4 and starting a blog because I am soooo excited! I haven’t weighed myself; I will, but for now I just want to explore success by hitting my intake goals.  I am using My Fitness Pal to help set my daily goals as you can input your percentages of fat carbs and protein.  I am less worried about the calorie cap because my understanding from my reading is that focusing on high fat and protein you don’t need to really worry about the calories. I am starting at percentage of carbs- 10%, fat 60%,  and protein 30%.  Based on internet advice that says:

  • 60-75% of calories from fat (or even more),
  • 15-30% of calories from protein, and
  • 5-10% of calories from carbs.

I do plan on slowly altering so I am closer to the 75% fat and 5% carbs; however, the keto flu sounded terrible and I decided easing in might be a good thing!

You can view my daily diary here: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/food/diary/Vaidyanatha

I am finding that butter is my friend and rotisserie chickens are a life saver.  I tend to be a lazy person when it comes to meal prep, so those chickens are such A HUGE TASTY AMAZING alternative.  You will notice I am only eating two meals a day.  I am also playing around with intermittent fasting 16/8 style.  More on that later!

Things I have noticed:

  • I think it might be my imagination but my skin looks better.
  •  I slept better than EVER last night, but wasn’t super exhausted when I went to bed.
  • I am spending more time with my kids!
  • I didn’t yawn at work today!  (love my job but about 3 in the afternoon I tend to get sleepy).   LOL!

So drum roll please…. I have MORE energy! This is something promised as a benefit.

I have a three kids age 13, 9 and 4.  I am not putting them on this program, but dinners… they need to eat what I eat. So I have to find food that will work for them and me.  Last night I totally rocked a chicken salad with a tiny amount of green apples and added walnuts… the kids made sandwiches and I just forked the deliciousness into my mouth, I also sauteed brussel sprouts in butter and garlic.  (Surprisingly my kids eat those! but the they always have).

Tonight I had some frozen steamer bags of cauliflower “rice” in the freezer and I was out of chicken.  The meat I took out wasn’t thawed, so I was kinda desperate.  I made a rue with as small amount of flour as I could get away with, added garlic, canned chopped mushrooms, the “rice”, tuna, and grated cheese.  I also used paprika and black pepper.  It turned into a close approximation of tuna casserole and the only reason one child didn’t eat much is I totally forgot he honestly does not like tuna anymore.  We added leftover brussel sprouts and all in all I would give my recipe a B. It really needs more flavor or something, but I can’t figure it out what would pop in into an A!

Anyway getting there and happy! 20818914_10159082957160431_4618173505482002911_o-1